Lights
by Claudere Foris
Summary: It's been weeks since Izaya Orihara went missing, most of Ikebukuro has accepted the possibility of his death. But behind the scenes away from the public eye, the underground is breaking in their latest capture. If only they could get him to talk. /Shizaya/
1. Shut Down

Eep, I haven't posted anything in a really long time. Sorry. :c I also deleted two of my old stories. They were embarrassing. Sorry. :c

I'm not even sure whether I want to post this one or not. I've had this story lying around in my 'y not' folder for months now along with like 50 others but I never have enough confidence to post anything longer than a single chapter one-shot. I guess I'll decide from the feedback whether I'm going to update or delete. Please let me know what you think~

Also... there's a possibility I might rewrite this in 3rd person. I don't know. I don't know what I'm doing. I'm thinking about later chapters. Ehh!

[[Hmm... **warnings**? I guess maybe I should. Strong themes. Sexual content. Shizaya. You know, the works.]]

* * *

**Lights**

_How long has it been?_

_Days?_

No... definitely weeks. I couldn't be sure, my perception of time was way off. My eyes have learned to adjust to the dark by now, although there was no life behind them. I was only a shell. An empty void of life. That's all that remained of Izaya Orihara.

My eyes fixate on the few items that I can see surrounding me. I can see boxes on the floor. I can see a tiny window on the wall to my left. I can see the stairs at the other end of the room. I can see my torn up jacket lying on the floor not too far from my feet. Did they even realize how cold it was down here? I had no strength left to fight back, no matter how much I told myself to. My hands refused to move. My legs couldn't push my body off the ground. I could barely keep my head up. My flick blade was out of reach and any muscle that I had was deteriorating. The only thing I could feel was the cold floor and the metal around my wrists. My eyes were now fixated on the tiny sliver of light shining through the cracked door at the top of the stairs. My only chance of escape, my glimpse of survival, my hope of freedom. My only reminder that there was still a world beyond this room that I was bound to. That my lovely humans were still hard at work without me watching over them. That the city hasn't gone quiet yet...

But that could change in an instant.

The moment the light grew wider, I felt my heart sink.

_Already?_

Footsteps echoed through the room and I watched the light disappear along with the slamming of the door which caused me to flinch. My ears were not accustom to noise in the least bit. I am left in silence for the most part.

_I swore it's only been a few hours._

I remained as still as possible, as if that would negate my presence, as if that would cause the footsteps nearing me to suddenly stop and turn around. To leave me in peace for a little bit longer. To forget that I even exist. What could I possibly do in this position? I held my breath.

"Orihara, why so quiet, haah?" the voice called out to me sarcastically. I haven't spoken a word to these people since they placed me in this prison. I could not see the face of the man speaking to me, but I recognized his voice well. There were two others with him.

"Are you ready to talk yet?" the man spat at me, his voice was vile. It made me sick to my overly empty stomach. My arms tugged at their restraints, even though putting forth the effort was pointless.

The man knelt before me and placed his hand on my cheek.

"You really need to reconsider who you think you're dealing with here, or do you need to be put in your place? I know I wouldn't mind."

The man was trying to anger me. He probably thinks that getting a rise out of me would result in me telling him the information his gang was seeking. He's the one who doesn't know who he's dealing with. Why else would they place me here? Isolate me and try to break me this way?

Because of this profession I've chosen. That's the reason I'm here after all, in this ridiculous mess. It's been weeks, it has to have been weeks; I haven't said a word. I know something they don't, something they need. But I refuse to let it slip. Normally, I wouldn't care. In practically any other scenario I would have just handed over the information and been done with it. This specific case would involve people I don't dare bring into this twisted world. I wouldn't sell this information in a million years.

They'll have to kill me first.

I remained silent, my hazy eyes wearily gazed up at his angry ones. I gave him the best death glare I could manage before I felt his fist collide with my cheek. I couldn't even fall all the way to the ground because of how tightly my arms were bound above my head.

"You piece of shit, we've been through this countless times. I will get this information from you if it's the last thing I do. You have no idea the trouble you got yourself into when you involved yourself with that monster."

_'Monster'_

I form a coy smile. I am reminded of a certain blond. Even though these people say monster it in a different sense, his name can't help but force itself into my mind. I pulled myself up, ignoring all the pain that accompanied my shoulders. I was lightheaded from the lack of nutrience, I had no chance of fighting back now. The man leaned in towards me.

"Looks like you leave me no choice then," the man whispered quietly against my ear. My restraints were opened and I fell with a hard thud to the ground. I told myself that this was my chance. That I had to gather up the strength from somewhere and run right in this very moment or I might never get the chance to again. My hands pushed against the flat surface of the ground trying to steady myself in order to take off running. But I couldn't. My arms shook violently as they attempted to push my frail body up off the ground. The moment I managed to get myself up, I felt a hard kick to my side.

"Keep him down," the man demanded. I felt strong hands come in contact with my arms.

_Nostalgia._

I wonder whether or not anybody has noticed that I haven't been on the streets of Ikebukuro. He's probably so relieved...

A hand traveled up my torn shirt. I shivered with disgust; this filthy man's hands exploring my bruised skin, he didn't deserve to touch me. Who the hell does this bastard think he is?

I turn away when he begins to bite my neck. I have to shift into stand by... right now in this very second. Shut off all my senses, leave my mind blank, shift into a neutral mode until this nightmare was over. How did I, a God of the people, fall to something this pathetic? How did they get their hands on me in the first place?

And even as I'm shutting my mind down, the golden eyes of that monster shine vividly in my memories. Why of all times am I remembering that color now. Why when I'm being belittled like this...

Maybe it's because they're the last thing I remember seeing before ending up here. Maybe because there is nothing else in this world that can scare me. I choose to believe that he wouldn't have sold me out to people like this. That Shizuo didn't associate with people like this.

Who am I kidding?

I can feel the cold floor come into contact with my skin. I'm no longer clothed.

_Shut down._

_Shut down before it's too late._

I allow my vision to blur. I can no longer make out any objects around me, only clusters of dulled colors moving around me. I can still identify the sultry laughter coming from above me. I let it fade out.

Pain. Immense pain tears through my body and I could not stop a scream from leaving my throat, try as I might.

_The hands._

There are too many hands on my skin. I hate it, it sickens me. It's slowly causing me to lose my mind.

The feeling soon numbs and disappears, along with the ceiling I was staring at. The horrid sound of their laughter eventually fades as well until I am left with nothing but a blank memory.

A memory of the city at night and the way its light shines. The way it shines when I'm standing on the rooftop of my apartment and the way I never fail to find who or what I am looking for. The way it was all in my control; the driving forces that played directly into my hands, and the never empty streets. The colors, the myths, the abnormalities, they all seemed to blend together in this perfect harmony that kept everything moving forward. The wonderful sound of my name being called, the rush that accompanies a chase, and the calm that soon follows after.

This city owes me for its life, and this is all I am.

* * *

Was this too short? Ehhh. If I update I promise the next chapter will be much longer. Please leave reviews, I'm not even sure whether I should bother with this story. Reviews would make me happy.


	2. Wander

Oh my god, you guys are too nice. ;_; So wonderful. ;_; I love you all. ;_; Thank you. ;_; I'm sorry. ;_; I'm apologizing in advance for these POVs. I kind of dived into this without a well thought out plan, just kind of a 'do it now or you'll never do it' plan. Later on, if I ever get there, I think I'm going to shift into 3rd person. Please don't hate me, I don't know, I'm sorry. :c I also take back what I said, this chapter is about as long as the first one. I was going to include a flashback buuuut I decided it would flow better if I just included it all at once in the next update. I'm sorry. :c Chapter 2 here we go yay. :c

* * *

"27."

I repeat the number to myself for the hundredth time, angry that I've had the incentive to keep track at all.

It's been 27 days since I've last seen Izaya... since anybody has seen him for that matter. 27 quiet days on the city streets. 27 boring days since I've chased him out of the city. 27 days for all my wounds to close up and finally heal. I don't care to admit it to myself but...

The days seem to be getting longer.

_No._

I shake my head at the sudden thought. Why the hell should I care. Why should I after what he's done. For all I know, this could all be part of his plan. I convince myself that has to be it as I pull another cigarette from my fresh pack. This would make my fifth today. My habit has only gotten worse during this drought. But what else was there to distract me? What else would I do to pass time without driving myself insane replaying everything in my head, going over every detail, looking for an answer.

_I was angry._

Shinra is convinced that he's dead. Celty shudders whenever his name is brought up. I suppose Izaya wasn't exactly on best terms with her, but I don't think that she's relieved in the least bit. More so, she's constantly looking over her shoulder as if his presence was still lingering around. Recently, there have been news reports declaring him missing. This all started about a week ago when his sisters couldn't get in contact with him... that was when Shinra decided his fate. Izaya Orihara was dead. _'He wouldn't do that to his family,'_ so Shinra says. That wasn't the only thing that made us believe this wasn't a case of him just leaving on vacation. It wasn't just his sisters, nobody has been able to get in contact with him. Calling his phone is useless. And that lady, Namie, she told us that his apartment was left unlocked. Forums started on the Dollars website hoping for any leads as to what might have happened but it doesn't fill out. That kid... Mikado, I can't figure out why he cares. Izaya used him just like he used everybody else. That reminder inflicts a twinge of pain in my chest. This far down the road, people are more so looking for a body. They want closure. A confirmation of life or death so they can stop sleeping with one eye open. Anybody who knows me avoids bringing him up whenever I'm around, worried that I'll finally snap. Or maybe they're worried that I already did, and I'm the reason he's gone.

_How stupid. _

_I could have killed him years ago if I really tried._

I light my cigarette and begin walking home. Why was I out this late again? I couldn't answer that question myself. Tom didn't need me for very long today. It's not like I had anything else to do. I've been wandering the city streets for hours now. Am I stupid or something? Am I expecting Izaya to just wander out of the shadows at random as if nothing happened? As if these 27 days were just a figment of my imagination and in reality, only a few hours have gone by? I must truly be delusional then, because this has become a habit as well. To wander around the city at night after all the lights have gone out trying to piece things together. I've been out here at this hour every night for the past two weeks.

_Why did you leave..._

"Dammit..." I mutter glancing down at my phone. It was later than I thought, almost midnight. I take one last look around the area I'm in. No surprise, there's nothing. It's as if the entire world has stopped moving. I realize that there is no point to this. I'm aware that at some point I'm going to have to accept the reality that with or without an answer, I have to move forward. I pause for a minute to slip my phone back into my pocket, using the moment to take a long drag from my cigarette. The nicotine rushes to my head putting a stop to my endless thoughts. I sigh contently when I feel my body start to relax a bit. I guess I could look at this as a blessing... Thanks to his absence, I've been able to pay off the rest of my debt to the city. There has been minimal damage lately, no thanks to me. Celty doesn't roam the streets too often due to a lack of jobs. I never realized she did so much for the flea.

_It's lonely._

_No!_

Why am I thinking like that? It's not lonely just...

kind of...

quiet, is all. I start walking home again, not allowing my eyes to focus on anything for too long. If I do, I'll stop and over think again. I'll end up spending the entire night in the city. I've already done this on numerous occasions. Instead, I watch the pavement under my feet. My eyes follow the cracks and I make a note to avoid stepping on any of them. Not out of superstition, more out of boredom. One foot in front of the other for a couple blocks until I look up and see that I've made it to my apartment. I wonder if this means I'll get some sleep tonight.

_Hah._

I sift through my pockets until my fingertips feel the sharp edge of my key. I smirk but quickly mentally slap myself for even beginning to feel nostalgic. As if I have that right anymore. I place my key in the lock of the door and start turning it only to stop midway. I turn my head slightly.

_There's someone watching me._

I feel my stomach drop. Very faintly I can see the shadow of a human peeking out from behind a wall a few buildings down. When they realize that I've noticed their presence, they disappear all together. How long have they been watching me? Did I really just not notice earlier? Or was it only now? Shit.

_They know where I live..._

There's no use in pretending that this isn't my building, the key was in my hand after all. It takes me a minute to convince myself that the figure is actually gone. When I do, I quickly open the door and step inside, immediately closing and locking it behind me. I don't head up the stairs, but instead take a seat on the second step and pull out my cell phone. Was I being paranoid?

[I think I'm being watched] I text to Shinra.

Damn... it's late. He probably won't answer until morning. Do I stay out here? I cautiously glance around the room. What the hell am I being so paranoid about? I'm not in my right state of mind, I haven't been since all of this started. That flea... Izaya... why did he have to fuck with my head. What the hell was he trying to accomplish? I wouldn't put it past him to have disappeared on purpose just to drive me insane. Or maybe I'm just telling myself that to put my worries to rest. I stand up, realizing that there truly is no point to be paranoid right now. Who cares if someone was watching me. I'll beat the shit out of them if they come near me. Nobody is going to mess with my head anymore.

I tell myself these things over and over as I head up into my apartment. It's funny how once I'm inside I don't feel any more at ease than I did when I was outside. This permanent weight on my shoulders that's stolen countless hours of sleep from me was beginning to really take its toll. I take a deep breath attempting to relax but...

How can I? Maybe Shinra was right. Maybe I'm delusional for thinking this could be one of his games. Or maybe I'm being overly hopeful for thinking he could still be alive. The atmosphere of my apartment feels crowded if at all possible. I should probably clean up a bit. I've been telling myself that for two weeks now. My hand gently slides over the surface of the counter beside me. 27 days ago, Izaya's knife sat right here, out of his immediate reach. My eyes focus on the over turned chair at the end of my living room. That's where I pushed Izaya impulsively out of anger. My other hand moved up to my right shoulder and lightly brushed over my skin. When Izaya punched me, it left a bruise. It surprised me because I didn't think he had that in him. I didn't think he'd be able to hit me hard enough to leave a mark.

It felt like my lungs were being compressed with the reminders of my broken memories. I couldn't breathe. What the hell was he thinking? A constant aching twinge pulsed through me as I settled onto the floor, burying my head in my hands.

_It's no use._

All I can see is him.

* * *

The next part will be fun to write. At least that's what I like to tell myself before I actually start writing and remember how absolutely terrible I am while losing sleep. Feedback would be very much appreciated. Like really tho. Nothing makes me happier than getting an email at work saying 'you got reviews!'


	3. Skin

My internet has been down for the past three hours so I got to working on this chapter. The first of many flashbacks, yay. I don't know what it is that makes me want to torture Izaya. Gomen. ;_; I hope this chapter is enjoyable at least compared with what's to come. :x

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**- 3 months ago -**

Maybe it was a momentary lapse of judgment, or maybe I was truly insane. But standing in Shizuo's apartment was sort of a thrill. Just knowing that at any moment, he could step through his front door and find me searching through his things sent adrenaline rushing through my bloodstream. He would scream my name and he would charge towards me in this tiny confined space. He could absolutely kill me here.

I can't help but laugh.

His apartment is small and he doesn't have many things. Smoke lingers in the atmosphere and his bedroom door is closed. Even his cabinets are almost empty. He doesn't seem to live that grand of a life. That doesn't stop me from searching through every corner. I silently sift through his things quicker and more carelessly than I normally would. According to his usual routine, Shizuo would be home soon, I guess my commute here took longer than I anticipated. Closing the cabinets, I move on to the next area. I open his closet and reach into the pockets of the few jackets he has hung up. I smile when I feel my hand brush against exactly what I was looking for. My fingers wrap around a small bag filled with white powder. My eyes narrow.

"I knew it."

_Drugs._

How simple minded. I was truly expecting something more than this. Something more exciting. Something more dangerous. Come to think of it, this is rather boring, but as usual, unpredictable for someone like him. I drop it into my pocket, carefully putting back everything I moved. He'd never know I was here.

_Am I stupid?_

I laugh again at the ridiculous situation. Maybe there was more, I didn't check his bedroom yet. I have every intention to but taking a quick peek at my cell phone tells me that I don't have time for that. I need to get out before Shizuo finds me in here. I take another glance over the apartment before walking out. Everything looks just as it was.

I leave the apartment cautiously, still expecting Shizuo to turn the corner at any moment. My hand stays in my pocket protectively over the item I've just collected and my knife. I don't realize I'm holding my breath until I get outside. What am I even worried about?

Oh yeah.

_How long has this been going on? How did I not notice it?_

Shizuo is truly an idiot. I tell myself that it's silly to get worked up over this. I sigh passing through the tiny alley on the side of Shizuo's apartment that led back into city. I walk quietly, facing forward. That is until out of the corner of my eye I see a crowd. Even though they are shadowed, I recognize a few faces immediately.

_Yakuza._

What the hell are they doing here? What possible business could they have in this part of Ikebukuro. I press my back against a nearby wall, inching towards them until I somewhat begin to hear their conversation.

"He'll be here in a few minutes, we'll strike then."

_What? He? Did they mean Shizuo?_

"Don't go too hard, only enough to get the cops involved."

_What the hell?_

"They'll take care of the rest."

That's their plan? To get Shizuo arrested? How stupid, I've done this countless times already. What could they possibly be gaining from doing this? My mind races trying to piece together the grand scheme of their plan. I'm unable to. This is out of the ordinary.

_How exciting._

Although... Shizuo isn't fun to play with in jail. Not when I just discovered something like this. My hand squeezes the tiny bag in my pocket. Not when I have all these questions. There are things I still don't know, there's no way I could leave this alone.

_I have to stop them._

I exit the alleyway before the group dispenses. This is simple. All I have to do is make sure that Shizuo never meets them. If I just "distract" him for a bit, this should all be fine.

_How perfect._

It's impossible to miss his blond hair. Right on time, my Shizu-chan. I take a deep breath before running toward him.

"Shiiiizuuu-chaaan!" I call happily. He freezes. The way his face drops is priceless, I love it. The anger takes over immediately.

"IZAYA!" he screams ripping out a nearby guard rail from the road. Such a monster.

"What did I tell you about coming here, flea?!" his voice echoes a bit. I turn towards the alley to see whether he's caught the Yakuza's attention yet. But thankfully, I see no movement. I turn my attention back to the blond, taking on a careless posture, also finally taking my hand out of my pocket.

"Did you ever stop to consider that maybe I'd just like to talk, Shizu-chan?" I teased, carefully eyeing the guard rail in the his hand.

"There's nothing to talk about, louse!" Shizuo growled before flinging the guard rail at me. As easily as it was thrown, I quickly avoid the impact, smirking when Shizuo charged closer towards me. I glanced around quickly again, he's making a lot of noise. But once again, I still don't see anybody which meant I still had some time.

"Shizu-chan, I'm serious~ I just need a favor" I sang, slowly backing away.

"Haa?!" he takes a few steps closer, he's definitely ready to kill me.

"I just need you to follow me for a bit, that's not so much to ask for is it, Shizu-chan?" I try to say it as sarcastically as possible knowing that if I anger him enough, he'd chase me.

_As if it were ever that simple with Shizuo._

"As if I would do anything you say!" he yelled, appalled that I would even suggest such a thing.

"Don't you want to escort me from the city?" I muse hoping that it will be enough to push him past the breaking point. To my dismay, he scoffs and turns away.

_How childish._

It's strange. He seems to have a bit more control over his anger. This isn't normal. Is this because of the drugs?

"Just get the fuck out of here, flea, before I kill you!" he yells again, hands now balled into fists. Why is it the one time I need him to chase me, he does everything but?

_Shizu-chan you truly are the most unpredictable human alive._

I inch closer to him.

"Shizu-chan, can you for once in your life stop being such a monster and listen to me?" I plead running out of options. I can't control him this way.

"Why the hell should I?" he was fuming, forehead very nearly pressed against my own. Out of the corner of my eye, I can see three hooded Yakuza members exiting the nearby alley.

Shit, I'm out of time. My eyes focus on the close figure that is Shizuo. I had no time to think. I never allow myself to be put in these types of situations without a plan. I can't think straight. What I do is completely on sudden impulse.

I lean forward and gently press my lips to his.

My eyes widen with realization when I take notice to just how soft they are. I stumble back a bit, betrayed by my actions, but still finding it amusing just how red Shizuo has turned.

_Heh... he's kind of cute like this._

We're both frozen for just a moment until Shizuo shakes it off. If it was at all possible, he looks angrier than before. He wordlessly reaches out in an attempt to grab my neck. I move back avoiding the swipe.

Silently, he runs toward me. I almost can't believe that such a careless thing worked. I happily run in the opposite direction of his apartment, getting him further away from the area. I quickly turn into a separate back alley hearing Shizuo's footsteps close behind me. Actually, now that I pay closer attention to the sound, he's out running me...

"Shit," I swear under my breath when I feel myself being pushed into a nearby wall. I wince from the sudden pain in my shoulders.

_It doesn't matter._

I succeeded... and that makes all the hell I'm about to endure worth it.

I turn around to face my capture... when I meet his eyes my heart skips.

His eyes are so incredibly focused on me that I can't force myself to look away. The intensity in his gaze sends shivers up my spine. Neither of us speak, Shizuo's arms locking me in place. I make it a point to breathe as quietly as possible, to move as little as possible, how treacherous it is that my heart is hammering visibly against my chest causing my hands to twitch ever so slightly.

"What the hell was that?" The silence finally broken. My eyes dart back to his lips and almost instantly I feel the blood rush to my cheeks.

"Eh? Has Shizu-chan never been kissed before?" I attempt to keep my composure. What the hell was this reaction?

"I meant why..." his voice dangerously low. That's a great question, I wish I had a better answer myself.

"Because I thought Shizu-chan might look cute blushing!" I laughed covering up my uncertainty, "I was definitely right~ you should see yourself!"

To my surprise, Shizuo doesn't hit me. In fact, he doesn't do anything. He is very well aware of my lie. He continues to stare at me with those golden eyes of his. I've never been this close to Shizuo for this long of a time, I honestly cannot tear myself away. I could fall and drown in that golden color.

"Shizu-chan, did I break you or something?" I murmur starting to dislike the feeling of confinement.

_Anxiety._

Something I'm not used to feeling. I don't like this. I suddenly have a great urge to get away from him. I can feel my palms starting to sweat, my thoughts racing a million miles an hour, I'm unable to take a calm breath. His arms on both of my sides are keeping me trapped against the wall. He'll catch me if I try to slip under. I can't even convince my hand to reach back into my pocket to get my knife. He can kill me right here, right now. One punch to my chest would be enough. I'm standing as still as humanly possible thinking that maybe if I stay this way for long enough, Shizuo would just turn around and walk away.

_Yeah right._

My eyes widen when his hand finally moves, but instead of pulling away, it nears closer to me.

He hovers his fingers over the skin on my neck, I shiver from the expected contact.

'Please don't' my mind screams, it takes every bit of strength I have not to voice it. I hate being touched, especially like this. I feel naked underneath his studying gaze. Once again, his fingers near a bit closer. Near but don't touch. I can tell I'm subconsciously flinching away, wincing, and praying.

"Do you know how scared you look right now?" Shizuo's voice is barely above a whisper.

I shake my head, unable to conjure up a witty remark. His fingers finally make contact with my skin. I flinch, trying to move away but there's no where I can go.

"I've never in my life seen you scared..." I frown at the words.

_You were never supposed to, you idiot._

"I've never heard you sound so human..." the response leaves my mouth before I have time to think it over. The silence takes over once again, Shizuo's fingers trace delicate patterns down my neck and across my shoulder. It's almost like he was trying to get me used to the sensation. The little electric sparks that run through my tired system, I've never felt anything like that before.

_This is bad..._

_This is very bad._

Warning signs flash in my mind, I had to get out of here before it was too late... but my legs refused to move. My whole being was frozen under his gaze. He inched closer, lips parted slightly.

"Shizu-chan..."

Our lips met again. The hand that was touching my skin slides up my neck and into my hair, pulling my head back to deepen the kiss.

I can't breathe... I'm mesmerized. My hands wind around his back, clinging onto him.

I've never experienced a kiss like this. The way he would hesitate before pulling away slightly, admitting to a bit of curiosity when his tongue brushed along my bottom lip seeking entrance. How I couldn't stop my eyes from closing, or my lips from parting, wanting to feel more. How after a while, he would gently bite displaying his desperation but also his dominance. His other hand pressed against my side and started to slide my shirt up. I gasped suddenly feeling his fingers along my skin again.

_Shizuo, what are you doing to me?_

When we finally break apart, I can't see straight. I fall back, leaning against the wall attempting to catch my breath. He stares at me for a bit with a questioning look, trying to catch his breath as well. I couldn't speak, no part of me could process what just happened. I look the man in front of me up and down just to be sure this wasn't some kind of joke... or a delusion.

And then Shizuo drops his arms and takes a step back. His golden eyes shift to the left. He looks regretful.

"Get out of Ikebukuro, flea."

Shoving his hands into his pockets, he turns and leaves without another word.

* * *

"Is he alive?" The voices that I've come to despise ring in my ears. Is it over? I don't feel any overwhelming pain at the moment. But still, I don't dare move, not now, not while they were still here. I keep my breaths as shallow as I possibly can. It takes all my will power not to flinch when I feel two fingers press against my neck.

_Don't touch me._

"Yeah, he's alive, just out cold as usual."

"Why don't we just kill him now? He's useless." I can hear the sound of a man being pushed over.

"Don't you dare say things like that! The boss will have your head for saying things like that. This thing is his pride and joy right now, do you understand? We keep it alive until we're told otherwise."

_Thing._

_It._

I'm a human, you idiots. Do you remember what a human being is? My brain still works, my heart still beats, and you're taking my very being away from me. I've done some awful things to people, but I've never taken away their free will. I'd never sink to this level. I can't take much more of this. I need to see the light of the outside world. I need to move freely and away from this place. I need to see familiar faces. I need a reminder that there is still something good in this world. I need peace for just a little while.

_Please._

I can hear footsteps on the stairs, following with the slamming of the door. Once again, I'm left in darkness. Once again, I'm trapped here. Once again, I'm alone.

_Please help me._

* * *

Agh. A longer chapter, finally. I just like to shift scenes a lot, I'm sorry. I'm trying to force myself to stay in one place for longer so you guys have more to read. Thanks for sticking with me so far! Leave reviews pls pls pls. I like those a lot.


	4. Favor

So for the past month, I have been through hell and back. I didn't mean to go this long without an update. I actually had most of the story already written. But my laptop's hard drive failed and I failed to rescue anything from it. So years and years worth of work and stories are gone. It really discouraged me. Everything I wrote for this is gone along with the hundreds of half started stories I planned to post after this. Once I finally got my laptop up and running, my internet shorted out for about two weeks. I couldn't post anything even if I wanted to. And then of course I was out of the country for two weeks so once the internet got fixed, I had other things to attend to. So I'm just really sorry. I'm sorry for how long this chapter took to put up. I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry. I finally convinced myself to rewrite everything so I've been kind of working on this and kind of trying to recreate everything I lost. I have a few things I'd like to publish after this if this story ends up doing well. I'll try to update as frequently as possible but trying to recapture what I write in a certain mood at 4am is difficult. I hope that there are people out there who actually read this story hah. So here you go. Again, sorry sorry sorry. :c

* * *

The greeting I receive at the door isn't a friendly one. I mean it was rare for Shinra to ever be thrilled about seeing me, but he looks as if he would rather be dead than have to deal with me.

He lingers in the doorway rather than letting me in like usual.

"Don't look so excited," I tease letting myself in.

"What do you want?" his hostility made me wonder if he was expecting this visit. My curiosity always gets the best of me. I look around the quiet apartment. It's looking messier than usual... come to think of it...

Shinra looks less put together than usual. Hair messy and dark circles around his eyes that I can easily see behind his glasses; I wonder what he's doing.

"Where's the courier?"

I could see Shinra visibly flinch.

"Sleeping."

_Liar._

Celty definitely wasn't here. Don't lie to me, Shinra.

"You look like you haven't gotten much sleep yourself," I note walking through his living room. This sets him even more on edge as he rushes ahead of me.

"Have a seat," he motioned to the couch. He doesn't want me lurking.

_He's hiding something._

"I need a favor," I say, taking a seat. Shinra remained standing looming between the door to the next room and me. His defenses are ridiculous right now...

"Is there ever any other reason for you to be here?"

I laugh, "Patch ups? Or maybe to see how my dear friend is doing?"

"What's the favor?" he sighs, rolling his eyes. Straight to the chase, how boring. I pull out the small packet of white powder.

Shinra's eyes widen, that's what I've been waiting for. Shinra has definitely seen this before. This is suddenly more interesting than I expected. Immediate theories begin forming in my head. I can't help but suspect him.

"What's the matter?"

He immediately snaps out of it.

_He knows that I can read him, what's the use?_

"You don't strike me as someone who would personally get involved with something like this..."

I didn't answer right away, I didn't want to hurt my chances of Shinra doing this for me by being snippy. Instead, I genuinely smile keeping my eyes away from the next room.

"I need you to tell me what this is and what it does."

Shinra takes the packet from me, reluctantly, and holds it up to the light. He seems lost in thought for a bit, probably debating the substances and whether or not to help me.

_He will... he has no choice._

Finally, he drops it into the pocket of his jacket.

"What's your purpose?" he mumbles carefully watching me. I lean back smiling.

"My current point of interest seems to be involved with this stuff. I'm just a bit curious."

"Too curious for your own good..." Shinra begins pacing. What was wrong with him?

"The usual?" I ask.

"Two conditions," Shinra mutters. I look at him skeptically.

"They are?"

One... you don't involve Celty in this one. In any way, shape, or form. Whatever you're scheming, just leave her out of it."

I smirk. There is no doubt in my mind that he knows something about this stuff.

"Two?"

Shinra pauses, pursing his lips together, almost as if he doesn't want to ask. But when he stops pacing, he looks me dead in the eyes.

"Find the source."

_Hah!_

_Fantastic, Shinra._

There goes my theory. So Shinra isn't the one supplying Shizuo with the drug. Although, it's clear he recognizes the stuff.

I nod, standing up to leave.

"Izaya..."

I stop and turn to him.

"Don't... uh,"

I shrug when he pauses.

"Don't be careless..."

I nod at my friend confidently.

"No worries!"

.

.

.

The thing is...

I kind of set myself on hold now. What was I supposed to do until Shinra called? How long would that even be? I'm rarely anxious but...

Maybe because it's him.

Maybe... it wouldn't hurt to pay him a visit and watch his withdrawal symptoms.

I flip open my phone and dial Shinra's number. I've barely made it down the block from his apartment, but I've made up my mind before I even hear the ringing.

"Did you forget something?" the voice comes suddenly on the line.

Not even a hello?

"Two things," I answer.

"One?"

"Do you have an estimated time that this will be done by?"

"I'd give it a day or so, possibly. Probably."

"Perfect."

"And two?" I pause for a moment wondering whether this was a good idea or not.

_What could go wrong?_

"Do you need more samples?"

.

.

.

Somehow I always end up back here. Back in this city, back on this street, in front of this apartment...

Waiting for the sunlight to reflect off of the third story window and shine directly in my eyes.

The second the light hits me, my point of interest walks by across the street, unaware of my perception. He can pick me out of a crowd almost anywhere.

But at his home, he's completely off guard.

Here, his defenses are at his lowest. I absentmindedly wonder how many people have realized this about him. Or whether I'm just incredibly stupid to follow the strongest man in Ikebukuro home.

He flicks his finished cigarette into a nearby alley and immediately pulls another one out of his pocket.

_Addition at it's finest._

I fiddle with the empty coffee cup in my hands. How narcissistic of me to say. And then I question why I'm jittery. It's funny... all he has to do is turn his head and he'd see me leaning against this post. I truly am being quite stupid. The street is still damaged from our fight the other day.

_Heh._

Yes, the other day. Where I somehow acted on impulse rather than reason. My eyes follow him until he walks through the doors of the complex and disappears.

What do I do now?

My hand slides over the smooth surface of my knife in my pocket. It could be fun to test him. See how long it takes for him to destroy his own home. Things have been different lately. His usual anger isn't triggered by me, or rather... it's not as destructive.

I laugh to myself. I guess I don't have to be on stand by. I could always have a bit of fun.

I tell myself this as I toss the empty coffee cup into a nearby trashcan and near the complex. As I walk through the doors, I repeat the words again. I take my time getting up the stairs. It isn't until I reach his door that I realize I'm holding my breath. My hand wraps around the handle before I have time to talk myself out of it. I take a second to listen to the noise, trying to gauge how close the blond was to me. How well thought through is this plan exactly?

_It isn't._

_At all._

There isn't much to it. Get in, get the sample, don't die, get out. No sweat.

I open the door, one hand in my pocket ready to put my knife to good use. I silently step inside. Shizuo was no where to be seen. I take a deep breath, but keep my guard up. If he's not in the kitchen, he's probably in his bedroom. I have a small window of opportunity. I open the small closet door, revealing the jacket I found the first packet in. My hand slips into the pocket, but there's nothing inside. I check all the pockets, only to discover them empty.

_Shit._

He moved it? Or maybe he used the rest? Or maybe he realized his first batch was missing and now he hid it better? Technically, I didn't have to get anymore or put myself in such immediate danger, but Shinra was so damn interested in this stuff. Even if he wouldn't admit it, how could I refuse his precious curiosity?

Or at least that was my excuse. This was now a game. Who could stay ahead of the other. Ah, the struggles of being an informant.

I carefully approach the hallway and immediately feel a sense of relief. I hear the water running. He was in the shower.

_Perfect._

This gives me access to his bedroom. I don't even look back before going in. His clothes are thrown carelessly on his bed. The room all together, though, was relatively neat. Surprising for someone like Shizuo. It almost makes me laugh. I check the pockets of his discarded clothes, but all I find is his cell phone.

What the hell did he do with it?

I check the drawers of his nightstand, but once again I find nothing interesting. Just some bills. There is nothing to be found anywhere. Not under his bed, between the mattresses, hidden in the window, it's like he knew I would look here.

Since when was the brute this perceptive?

_How do you outsmart yourself?_

Hah. Easy. Be obvious.

I leave the bedroom and excitedly head back to the kitchen. How stupid could he be? I open the counter and sift through all the pots.

_Nothing..._

Still nothing? Seriously? Maybe obvious wasn't the answer. Maybe... actually thinking perceptively was the answer?

Could Shizuo have predicted that I'd show up here and choose to look in obvious places? Is he even capable of preparing for something like that? I would have heard about it by now if he knew it was me. There's no way... he wasn't smart enough for that.

In the corner of the kitchen, there was a slightly hidden trash bin. By the looks of it, it was empty.

_I wonder..._

I carefully take the lid off and flip it.

_Bingo._

There it is. My golden gem. The little packet taped to the inside of the lid.

"Oh Shizu-chan, you never fail to keep my interest," I laugh to myself pulling the packet off and hiding it in the inside of my coat. What a fun game all of this was, but it was silly of the blond to think he could win. He knows what I'm capable of.

At least Shinra would be satisfied. I decide it's probably a good idea to get this to him sooner than later. I sigh heavily heading for the door.

"Can I help you find something, Izaya-kun?"

_Oh fuck..._

The icy tone of his voice alone was enough to make my heart stop. Standing in front of the door, arms crossed, shirtless, hair still dripping wet, was Shizuo Heiwajima.

"Not in particular, maybe I just dropped by to say hi? How have you been since we last met, Shizu-chan?" I teased, hand already around my knife.

"Don't make me kill you, flea. Cause I'm so damn close," his voice lower than usual.

"Mmmhow can you say something like that with a straight face?" I can't help but remember how cute he looked when flustered. It truly is enjoyable to mess with him like this. I'm already caught, might as well make the most of it. He blushes immediately, and matched with his messy hair it's almost too much. It catches me off guard.

This isn't like me.

_Then why?_

"You're still thinking about the other day, aren't you?" I tease in attempt to hide my discomfort. I can't figure out why I can't get him to snap? In any other instance, he would have torn me apart by now. What the hell kind of drug is this.

"If I recall, I told you to leave the city," he responds calmly.

_That you did._

"If I recall, you kissed me back," I smirk. His shoulders drop.

"So what's your reason for breaking into my home? Are you here for round two? Here to mess with me some more? Or do you just get off from pissing me off?" he inched closer.

_Run._

"The door..." I shake my head, "It was unlocked..."

_Fucking run idiot!_

He stares at me for a moment, that golden aura that captivates me every time. He is fully aware of it when our lips meet again.

* * *

Only a bit more development. I might switch back to the present for a chapter soon because I miss torturing Izaya. I have a thing for background insight after initially knowing things are bad. Things are moving forward though! Please leave reviews. I'd love some encouragement after all the nonsense I've been through this month.


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